The Internet Files for Bankruptcy

April 1, 2009 — by Per Christensson

The economic downturn claimed another victim today as the Internet announced it is filing for bankruptcy. The global organization stated it has run out of bandwidth reserves and cannot continue to operate.

According to inside sources, the primary factor that led to the Internet's downfall was the purchase of too many sub-prime domain names. The U.S. government recently denied the DNS's request for a bailout, saying the organization had already been given billions of IPs, many of which are still not accounted for. The Internet's restructuring plan has also been criticized as simply virtual reality and nothing more than cyberspace. The last glimmer of hope faded when merger talks between the Internet and the intranet broke down last week after a combined subnet mask could not be finalized.

Several e-commerce companies that rely heavily on the Internet had lobbied tirelessly to save the global network, saying it was too big too fail. They emphasized the fact that the Internet is deeply linked to millions of websites across the world. Lobbyists also pointed out that if the Internet were to fail, it would negatively affect the pharming and phishing industries. However, many analysts have questioned the viability of the Internet, saying the organization's site map is far too complex and outdated to be successful. Some politicians supported the idea of breaking up the Internet into smaller entities, including the Web and E-mail. However, these and other anonymous requests were blocked by a firewall.

While the collapse of the Internet will change the world as we know it, some see a silver lining. There will be far less jargon too keep up with, and words like spam and cookie will go back to being food items. Social networking can once again be done in person and blogs can be written using a pen and paper. While the transition may be difficult for some, many are looking forward to taking some much needed time offline.

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